Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
zippers are such a cool invention
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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