I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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