just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
