Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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