My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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