i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I skipped work to stalk him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
