How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
