Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
