if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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