The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
