Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
