Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
