so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
