Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
