Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
