My hand turned me down
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
