Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
