i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
