if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
