i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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