I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
