At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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