I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found the puke drawer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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