Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
