Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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