You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
