Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
