True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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