So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
