I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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