He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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