can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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