we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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