"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
