New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
