his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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