my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
