i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
