So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
