you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
