OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Come on in and take your pants off
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