And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
