Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
