I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
