What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
