Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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