U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
