She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
