i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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