No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
