At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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