You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she smelled like a LAN party
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
