I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so let's talk penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
