We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
