There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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