I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
