i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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