Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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